#19 Guest Episode: Vivek Mahbubani, Part 1 (粵語)
Vocabulary
1. 土生土長 tou2 sang1 tou2 zoeng2 (EXP) born and bred local2. 廢話 fai3 waa2 (N) nonsense, BS
3. 應承 jing1 sing4 (V) to promise
4. 進展 zeon3 zin2 (V/N) to progress, progress
5. 全職 cyun4 zik1 (ADJ) full-time
6. 扶手電梯 fu4 sau2 din6 tai1 (N) escalator
7. 睥 be1 (V) to stare (angrily)
8. 食字 sik6 zi6 (N) wordplay
9. 無端端 mou4 dyun1 dyun1 (ADV) for no reason, out of nowhere
10. 滴汗 dik6 hon6 (VO) to sweat
11. 分別 fan1 bit6 (N/ADV) difference, respectively
12. 明顯 ming4 hin2 (ADJ/ADV) obvious, obviously
13. 夾硬 gaap3 ngaang2 (ADJ/ADV) forced, far fetched
14. 低俗 dai1 zuk6 (ADJ) vulgar
15. 調轉 diu6 zyun3 (V) to reverse
16. 共鳴 gung3 ming4 (N) resonance
17. 蝕底 sit6 dai2 (V/ADJ) to suffer loss, at a loss
18. 心聲 sam1 sing1 (N) thoughts in mind
19. 離（晒）譜 lei4 (saai3) pou2 (ADJ) outrageous, ridiculous (lit. (totally) out of line)
20. 核突 wat6 dat6 (ADJ) ugly
21. 嘔泡 ngau2 pou5 (VO) to foam at the mouth
22. 豐富 fung1 fu3 (ADJ/V) rich, enrich
23. 直升機 zik6 sing1 gei1 (N) helicopter
24. 靈感 ling4 gam2 (N) inspiration
25. 觀察 gun1 caat3 (N/V) observation, to observe
26. 浪費 long6 fai3 (V/N) to waste, waste
27. 倚賴 ji2 laai6 (V/N) to rely on, reliance
28. 習慣 zaap6 gwaan3 (N/ADJ) habit, used to
29. 吸引 kap1 jan5 (V) to attract
30. 能力 nang4 lik6 (N) ability
31. 鼓勵 gu2 lai6 (V/N) to encourage, encouragement
32. 等於 dang2 jyu1 (V) to be equal to
33. 偷情 tau1 cing4 (VO) to cheat on, to have an affair
34. 情侶 cing4 leoi5 (N) couple, lovers
35. 藉口 zik6 hau2 (N) excuse
36. 浪漫 long6 maan6 (ADJ/N) romantic, romance
37. 偶像 ngau5 zoeng6 (N) idol
38. 興奮 hing1 fan5 (ADJ/N) excited, excitement
39. 失敗 sat1 baai6 (N/ADJ) failure, unsuccessful
40. 天才 tin1 coi4 (N) genius
41. 尊重 zyun1 zung6 (V/N) to respect, respect
42. 鼓掌 gu2 zoeng2 (VO/N) to applause, applause
43. 慈善機構 ci4 sin6 gei1 gau3 (N) charity organization
44. 拘謹 keoi1 gan2 (ADJ) reserved, formal
45. 安靜 ngon1 zing6 (ADJ) quiet
46. 騷擾 sou1 jiu2 (V/N) to disturb, disturbance
47. 岌頭 ngap6 tau2/4 (VO) to nod (head)
48. 距離 keoi5 lei4 (N) distance
49. 稱呼 cing1 fu1 (V/N) to address, form of address
50. 印象 jan3 zoeng6 (N) impression
52. …咁滯 gam3 zai6 (ADV) almost to the point of
53. 擰轉 ning6 zyun3 (VC) to turn around
54. 尷尬 gaam3 gaai3 (ADJ/N) embarrassed, embarrassment
55. 鋸扒 goe3 paa2 (VO) to eat steak (lit. to cut open + steak)
56. 存在 cyun4 zoi6 (V/N) to exist, existence
57. 喇叭 laa3 baa1 (N) loudspeaker
58. 武器 mou5 hei3 (N) weapon
59. 搞手 gaau2 sau2 (N) organizer
60. 擰歪面 ning6 me2 min6 (VO) to look the other way (lit. to turn + at an angle + face)
61. 調解 tiu4 gaai2 (V) to mediate
62. 名言 ming4 jin4 (N) famous quote
63. 悲劇 bei1 kek3 (N) tragedy
64. 隔離 gaak3 lei4 (N) isolation
65. 原點 jyun4 dim2 (N) origin, starting point
ADJ - Adjective
ADV - Adverb
EXP - Expression
N - Noun
V - Verb
VC - Verb complement
VO - Verb object
Transcript
Raymond: 今個禮拜有我哋同 Vivek Mahbubani 阿 V 討論嘅第一部分。阿 V 係一位嚟自香港，以粵語同英語表演嘅雙語棟篤笑演員。佢曾經喺本地電影、電視、及電台演出，亦同時係播客節目 Ho Ho Hong Kong 嘅主持之一。呢個禮拜嘅部份，我哋講到佢喺香港成長嘅經歷，喜劇嘅語言特色，同埋佢點解永遠唔會喺上台前飲啤酒。
Cameron: This week features the first half of our discussion with Vivek Mahbubani, a bilingual stand-up comedian from Hong Kong who performs in both Cantonese and English. He has appeared in local film, TV, and radio, and he also co-hosts the podcast Ho Ho Hong Kong. This week's portion touches on his experience growing up in Hong Kong, linguistic specificity in comedy, and why he never drinks a beer before going on stage.
Raymond: 嗱，好喇，噉如果係噉，我哋不如開始啦。噉呀，其實我諗 Vivek 你應該都講咗好多次㗎喇，噉但係你可唔可以再簡單，即係介紹下自己呀，同埋講吓你係點樣開始做起呢一個棟篤笑呢？
(Alright, if that’s that, how about we get started? Vivek, I think you’ve already done it many times, but could you briefly introduce yourself and how you got started in stand-up comedy?)
Vivek: 好喇，噉我個名呢叫做 Vivek Mahbubani 啦，一位印度裔香港人，噉喺香港土生土長1。噉我細個嘅時候呢就讀本地學校。噉好得意，就我嗰陣時，即係慢慢學好啲中文之後就發覺我好鍾意講廢話2嘅，噉我由細到大都好鍾意睇棟篤笑既係 stand-up comedy 啦。噉我就睇睇下就覺得，“嘩，（有冇）搞錯，佢哋揸支咪講嘢就得㗎喇？我都得啦。” 跟住我就應承3自己話，呢世人呢，要死之前試一次棟篤笑，我唔理邊度點樣。我完全唔識，但係我總之要試下嘅啫。睇下有幾難啫，噉講我都得㗎噉樣。跟住就有 keep 住呢個 idea 一路以嚟啦。
(Great, so my name is Vivek Mahbubani, I am an Indian Hongkonger, born and raised in HK. When I was a kid I studied at a local school. What’s interesting is that back then after I gradually learned Cantonese , I realized that I really enjoyed talking nonsense, and from my childhood all the way to being an adult I also really liked watching stand-up comedy. After watching a bit I realized, “What the heck, is all they need to do just grab a mic and say stuff? I can do that.” Then I promised myself that at some point in this life before I die, I’ll try doing stand-up, I don’t care where or how. Then I held onto this idea going forward.)
噉去到 2007 年嘅時候呢，我就見到有一個廣告就話棟篤笑比賽。噉我就決定囉，機會嚟喇試下啦，係咪？噉參加個比賽，噉之後覺得好好玩喎，我就 keep 住有興趣玩，慢慢慢慢進展4成爲今日嘅全職5嘅 full time professional 嘅 comedian 啦。噉但係只不過我開頭講嘅棟篤笑就來自我生活上，即係例如我以前讀書嘅時候呀，係成班同學，唯一一位非華裔嘅學生呀，去到我去到大學嘅時候，我就自己好鐘意用自己身份玩人呀，既係人哋以為我唔識講中文，點知“哈哈，我識講中文㗎” 噉樣，呢啲噉嘅趣事。慢慢轉成到今日嘅，我就講緊平時日常生活喇，既係講下啲好傻嘅嘢，例如喺香港搭扶手電梯6，你站左邊就會俾人睥7呀噉樣，呢啲噉嘅少少嘅得意故事囉，噉我係噉樣玩，成個過程去做棟篤笑表演喇。
(Then in 2007, I saw an ad for a stand-up comedy competition. I decided that the opportunity had arrived and I should try, right? I took part in the competition and thought it was really fun, and I held onto that interest, gradually improving until I became the full-time professional comedian that I am today. But the comedy that I do comes from my daily life, like back when I was still in school, I was the only non-Chinese student in the entire class, and all the way up into university I liked to use my own identity to mess with people. People would think I wouldn’t know Cantonese, but little did they know, “Haha, I know Cantonese,” so there were these sorts of funny moments. Gradually things evolved all the way up to now, I’m talking about my everyday life, there are all these sorts of dumb incidents, like when you’re riding an escalator in Hong Kong but you stand on the left side and people stare at you angrily [NOTE: In Hong Kong, you generally either walk up the left side of the escalator or stand to the right], theses sort of anecdotes, I like to play around with people like that, and I’ll make a whole stand-up routine out of it.)
Cameron: 我第一個問題就係，因爲你，你嘅 stand-up 有時係英文嘅，有時係粵語嘅。噉 stand-up 嘅一個部分就係 wordplay，噉有時覺得粵語嘅 wordplay 同英文嘅 word play 係有唔同嘅地方，你自己係點諗嘅？
(My first question is, because your stand-up is sometimes in English and sometimes in Cantonese, and a part of stand-up is wordplay, it sometimes seems like the wordplay in Cantonese and in English are a little different–what do you think?)
Vivek: 其實你話講笑話呢，你的確可以用 word play 既係食字8 gag 噉啦。噉但係喺廣東話食字 gag 呢就好多時會變咗，叫咗一個叫“爛 gag” 噉樣嘢嘅。因爲聽完之後呢，會即刻無端端9明明天氣好凍，你都會開始滴汗10嘅。唔知點解？會覺得“啊呵呵” 噉樣嘅啦。噉其實嗰啲就好似英文嘅 dad jokes 噉啦。即係笑咗，但係你笑完之後覺得 “err”，會即刻你對眼會噉樣 roll your eyes 噉樣嗰啲呀。噉有分別11嘅，你用英文呢，好多時因爲大家可能就好有 puns 呀，或者平時日常生活講嘢都會 “no pun intended” 噉樣嘅。但係中文呢，你一講到笑話，尤其係講食字 gag 呢，係一個好明顯12，你知呢個係笑話，我照喺你面前撻俾你睇，噉嗰啲唔係好 casual 呀，“哎吔唔好意思呀，佢講呢個 gag 添噉樣!”
(In fact, when telling jokes, you can of course use word play, a.k.a. “sik6 zi6 gag.” But in Cantonese, wordplay jokes change a lot, like there is one sort called “laan6 gag.” It’s because after you hear them, you suddenly as if out of nowhere the weather got noticeably chillier, you’ll still start to sweat. Why is that? Because you’ll think “Ha. Ha. Ha.” Actually, they’re sort of like “dad jokes” in English. You’ll have laughed, but after laughing you’ll think, “Uhhhh…,” and then you’ll immediately roll your eyes. As for the difference [between Cantonese and English wordplay] is that in English, there are many times where everyone uses a lot of puns, or when talking in daily life you might say, “No pun intended,” but in Cantonese, as soon as you tell a joke, particularly one involving wordplay, it’s usually pretty obvious, you know it’s a joke, like I stick it in your face so you can see–they’re not so casual, so “Sorry, there was a pun in there as well!” [i.e. no pun intended])
但係個 point 就係，人哋覺得“呢啲好爛呀，我唔想聽呢啲咁夾硬13嘅笑話。”即係要求唔同啲呀，所以個遊戲就係廣東話呢就反而多啲，唔係咁多想用食字 gag，因爲嗰啲覺得好低俗14呀，因爲冇 emotion 呀，冇故事呀，聽完之後只會覺得“呵呵”笑咗噉樣。再加埋唔好忘記，尤其是香港呢，你知大家覺得時間好寶貴㗎嘛，噉你嘥我時間講埋啲咁低俗嘅笑話呢，我會好嬲㗎。我嗰一分鐘嘥咗喺你身上，我本來可以去賺到 100 萬嘅唔知點解，噉呢個係第二個原因喇。調轉15呢，就我發覺，尤其是我哋講到粵語嘅棟篤笑呢，好多時係大家係鐘意聽啲日常生活嘅嘢，好有共鳴16嘅，但係你唔需要話好明顯嘅一個笑話，或者嗰個字好好笑，只不過講吓大家會成日做嘢嚟，我成日鐘意，鐘意笑嘅一樣嘢，就係我哋搭扶手電梯啦。
(But my point is that, people think, “This is so corny, I don’t want to hear something so forced.” What people want from jokes sort of aren’t the same, so the game is that in Cantonese there are actually more of, or really, there aren’t many who want world play, as they think it’s sort of vulgar, it doesn’t have emotion, it doesn’t have a story to it–after you hear it, you just think, “Ha. Ha.” Also, don’t forget that particularly in Hong Kong, people think that time is very precious, so if you waste my time by telling such corny jokes, I’ll get pretty mad. That one minute I lost is your fault, and who knows, I could have gone and made a million dollars [in that time]--that’s the second reason. Conversely, I think particularly when we’re talking about Cantonese stand-up, most of the time people like to hear about daily life, it resonates a lot, but you don’t need to tell a super obvious joke or use a particularly funny word–you just need to talk about something that everyone does all the time, something I like to do regularly, something that people like to laugh about, like how we ride the escalator.)
喺香港大家係突然間唔識講“唔該借借”呀，“excuse me” 呢啲說話呢，唔係因爲大家冇禮貌，係因爲我哋唔鐘意免費幫人上堂呀。即係你企喺左邊，同埋企喺右邊都有分別就係我哋平時企右邊行左邊㗎嘛，但係你唔識呢啲嘢，你企左邊我行去你後邊，我趕時間，你阻住我之餘，仲要我幫你免費上堂教你點樣做一個香港人呢，我覺得唔得，我做咩要噉樣去蝕底17俾你呢？噉我哋會噉樣諗嘅，所以係嗰啲噉嘅心情覺得“嘩，佢完全明白我心聲18”。即係我唔需要講，但係你知，如果可以一齊笑呢，嗰個係最鍾意一樣嘢，用粵語嘅棟篤笑喇。
(Suddenly in Hong Kong, no one knows how to say, “Sorry, excuse me…” It’s not because people lack manners, but that we don’t want to teach anyone for free. By that I mean, there is a difference between standing to the left and the right, and we usually stand on the right and walk up the left, but if you don’t know this and stand to the left, if I walk up behind you and am in a hurry, besides the fact that you are blocking me, you also want me to give you a free lesson about how as a Hongkonger, I think this is wrong–so what do I do to make you also lose out? What we then think [after hearing such a joke] is that feeling of, “Wow, he totally gets me.” I don’t need to say something, but you still get it and we all laugh, I think that’s the best sort of Cantonese stand-up.)
調轉英文呢，就可能係可以好誇張嘅笑話，即係離晒譜19， “I was on the roller coaster you know, and I was coming down and I was throwing up–blagh!” 噉樣。大家會覺得“哈哈哈”，但係粵語會覺得好核突20囉呢啲畫面，“做乜成面都係嘔泡21,我唔想聽囉噉樣，”即係有個要求㗎。所以 I think that’s the biggest difference 就唔係講個 word play 囉， 反而係嗰個成幅畫呀，你畫嗰幅畫出嚟係咩樣，噉粵語係鐘意啲畫呢，即係佢豐富22得嚟又有少少真實啲，唔好同我講話啲“嘩，唔好呀，我今日呢，搭直升機23呢上到天呢，噉跳落嚟，好嘢！” 噉樣，人哋覺得太假啦，“唔好嘥我時間，我唔聽呢啲故事喇。”
(Going back to English, it can be a really exaggerated joke, totally outrageous, like, “I was on the roller coaster you know, and I was coming down and I was throwing up–blagh!” Everyone will think, “Hahahaha!” but in Cantonese people will think of that image as pretty gross, the whole face covered with barf, “I don’t want to hear about that,” so there is a certain expectation. So that I think is the biggest difference, it’s not the word play but rather the entire picture, what sort of picture are you painting. The sort of picture that is appealing in Cantonese is rich to the point that it has a bit of reality, not something like, “Wow, today I got on a helicopter and went up in the air and then jumped back down, wow!” People will think that something like that is fake, “That’s a waste of my time, I don’t want to hear that sort of story.”)
Raymond: 係，噉你都講咗好多，即係好明顯你嘅靈感24啦好多都係來自生活啦，一啲嘅觀察25啦。噉你會唔會做一啲嘢係幫你去搵到靈感，或者甚至你會唔會譬如你表演之前呀，你會有啲特定嘅，你會做一啲嘢，去幫到你準備你嘅演出㗎？
(Yes, you’ve also spoken a lot about how your inspiration comes from observations from your own life. Are there things that you do in order to help find inspiration, or things that you do before you perform, something specific, to help you prepare?)
Vivek: 嗱，如果講到表演嗰一日呢，有幾樣嘢我係唔會做嘅。我係一定一定表演之前呢係唔會飲酒嘅。即係好多人都覺得 “Have a beer, you know, relax, to calm your nerves” 噉樣我覺得唔得。點解呢？兩個原因。一呢，我真係太 cheap 喇。我唔會使啲噉嘅錢嘅。 Right? 因為好大機會，如果表演做得好呢，嗰啲人就會請我飲嘢嘅，我唔會噉樣浪費26自己啲錢呀。第二呢就係我好擔心，假如我個人原來飲完酒之後係比冇飲酒之前更加好笑呢，噉我就好大禍，即係話我每一場 show 嘅 budget 即刻提升之餘，亦都好似我係倚賴27緊啲酒呀。
(Well, if you are talking about the day on which I perform, there are some things that I won’t do. I absolutely won’t drink before a performance. A lot of people think, “Have a beer, you know, relax, to calm your nerves,” that sort of thing. Why [do I not drink before I perform]? For two reasons. First, I am very cheap, I won’t waste money, right? Because it’s a big opportunity, and if I perform well, then the people there will treat me to a drink [afterwards], so I won’t waste my money that way [before]. The second reason is that I am worried that if it turns out that I am actually funnier after drinking than before, then that would be a disaster, and the budget for every show would go up, as it would seem like I would have to rely on alcohol.)
即係唔再係話我有呢個能力，我係反而倚賴緊一個 substance，或者一個 outside external factor 去另外做到嗰個 level 喇。噉我唔想噉樣嘅，即係我想去睇下，自己，來自自己，無論我喺沙灘又好，定係邊度都好，你總之叫我 turn on and do the show 我就做到，唔使話係“等陣！做 show 之前呢，我要飲呢罐啤酒，要啱啱係三度或以下先得㗎”噉樣。我就唔想有啲噉嘅，咁高嘅要求喇。
(Rather than saying that I have this ability, it’s more like saying that I rely on a substance, or an outside external factor in order to reach another level. I don’t want to be like that. I want to see myself coming from myself, whether I’m at the beach or elsewhere, as long as you tell me to “turn on and do the show,” I’ll do it, there’s no need for me to say, “Hold up! Before I can do a show, I have to down a can of beer, anything with 3% alcohol or less works.” I don’t want to be like that, that’s too much to ask. )
噉調轉就我點樣平時就想去搵啲靈感呢？就係真係我自己有個習慣28就係一見到啲得意有趣嘢呢，就一定寫低佢，唔好理嗰件事可唔可以好笑，唔好理我會點樣去成爲一個笑話，總之我覺得有樣嘢吸引29到我呢，就寫低。因爲我好擔心呢，就係有一日呢，say 我見到啲嘢我覺得幾得意，冇寫低，跟住過咗兩日之後，跟住覺得“呀！我諗到嗰樣嘢好似好得意，係咩嚟嘅呢？死喇我唔記得咗啦。” 噉我就好嬲㗎喇。噉我寫低完到時先算嘅。同埋第三呢，就真係嗰個觀察能力30囉。我睇嘢呢，我成日鼓勵31人，就係話你搵棟篤笑呢，就唔係話你個生活要好笑啲，我唔會特登出街做啲搞笑嘅嘢。即係我唔會無端端行路就 moonwalk 噉樣嘅，唔會噉做嘅。
(Switching to the other question, how do I get my inspiration? My habit is once I notice something interesting, I make sure to write it down. It doesn’t matter if it’s funny or not or how I’ll turn it into a joke, as long as it catches my attention, I write it down. What I’m worried about is perhaps one day I notice something that I find really interesting but I don’t write it down, and then a couple of days later I think, “Huh, that thing I thought of was really interesting, what was it again? Damn it, I can’t remember.” Then I get very mad. As long as I write it down first I have it when the time comes. Third, there’s the observational ability. As I see it, what I always encourage people to do is, if you are looking for stand-up material, you don’t need to have a hilarious life–I won’t go out on the street just to do some silly stuff. Like, I wouldn’t go out and moonwalk for no reason, I won’t do that.)
但係調轉就係話我會望一樣嘢呢，我就唔會即刻望到佢，佢就等於噉嘅，即係我成日都話，好簡單，你見到一樣嘢，你就唔好話“呢樣等於32乜，完”。因爲噉你好似見到巴士站就等於巴士站囉，等車，係噉啫嘛。但係我調轉就會覺得，“巴士站仲有啲咩呢？”係咪一個好好嘅偷情33嘅地方呢？即係你見到好多情侶34呢，好鐘意等緊車嘅時候，冇嘢做噉就“攬吓啦”噉樣，即係有好多噉嘅藉口35呀嘛。噉調轉嚟，你可能搭車啦，你啱啱今日去咗個 date 噉樣嘅，跟住就你架車嚟到，噉你臨上之前，你都可以撲過去攬一攬先，噉即係有呢啲藉口㗎嘛。你唔會無端端入架𨋢就攬一攬㗎嘛。但係你搭巴士好似離開緊，有個藉口啦噉樣。即係我會噉樣諗，巴士站其實係咪一個好浪漫36嘅地方嚟嘅呢？
(On the other hand, when I see the same sort of stuff, I won’t just look at it and think it’s equivalent. What I always say, it’s very simple, when you see the same sort of stuff, you should say, “That is the same as that, done.” It’s because, basically, when you look at a bus stop you’ll just see it as a bus stop. The way I flip it around is to think, “What else is there about a bus stop?” Is it a good place to have an affair? You see a lot of couples, they really enjoy embracing while waiting for the bus, there are many excuses to do it. Conversely, maybe when you’re catching the bus, you just went on a date today, your bus arrives, and just before you get on, you can have a quick hug first, this is another reason. You wouldn’t just randomly hug before getting in an elevator, but when catching a bus, you have an excuse. Then you’ll think, bus stops are pretty romantic places, aren’t they?)
調轉巴士站係咪一個好似等緊你嘅偶像37呢，即係好似話等巴士點解我會咁興奮38嘅？車嚟嘅啫嘛。但係當嗰架車嚟到，我會 “Wow! 我架車嚟到喇！ yeah! 返屋企！”噉樣。噉我覺得好好笑，噉我會寫低囉。等巴士好似等緊偶像出現，跟住就返去慢慢發展囉。所以我係兩樣嘢。一個呢，就係要每樣嘢吸引到我，令到我覺得好有興趣，我就即刻寫低先，之後先再諗吓點樣發展。第二呢，就係做 show 之前，我一定唔會飲酒。但係呢，我一定會食飽個肚嘅。我一肚餓呢，我就上到台係做唔到嘢嘅即刻。
(On the other hand, bus stops can also seem like the place where you are waiting for your idol, like saying, why do I get so excited when waiting for the bus? It’s just a vehicle showing up. But when it arrives, I’ll be like, “Wow! My ride is here! Yeah! I’m going home!” I’ll think that is pretty funny and I’ll write it down, that waiting for a bus is like waiting for an idol to appear, and then I’ll gradually develop it from there. So there are two different things that I do. The first is that every time I encounter something that interests me, something that piques my interest, I’ll immediately write it down, and only later will I think about how to develop it. Second, before a show, I absolutely won’t drink alcohol. However, I will eat a full meal. If I am hungry when I get on stage, I won’t be able to perform from the get-go.)
Cameron: 另一個問題就係，好多人講到 stand-up 嘅時候會講，就你都要有嗰個失敗39嘅經驗就可以成功，你有冇好嘅就失敗嘅故事呀？
(Another question: when a lot of people talk about stand-up, they say you need some experiences of failure in order to succeed. Do you have any good failure stories?)
Vivek: 其實你做得 stand-up comedy 你做咗一排呢，你冇失敗過呢，就得兩個原因嘅啫。一呢，就你真係超勁，你係一個天才40。但係 so far 我見到好勁嘅 comedian，最 top 嗰啲都未去到呢個 level 啦。二呢，就係好明顯係出得去唔夠呀，或者你經驗唔夠。即係你去嘅地方永遠都去啲好安全，或者啲觀眾好畀面你嗰啲呢，就好尊重41你“拍手！鼓掌42！”嗰啲噉樣嘅。
(Actually, if you’ve been doing stand-up for a while and you haven’t failed, there are two reasons. The first is that you are amazing, you’re a comedy genius. However, so far among all the good comedians I’ve seen, even the very top aren’t at that level. The second reason is that you aren’t going out [to perform] enough, or you haven’t gotten enough experience. By that I mean the places you always go are really safe, or the audience gives you a lot of face and respect you a lot, “Bravo! Bravo!’ like that.)
噉失敗的確有嘅。例如最簡單啦，你去平時寫笑話呢，有樣嘢叫 open mic 嘅。噉你會攞呢個好 raw 嘅笑話去 open mic 試一試下。但係嗰啲場合嘅好處就係啲觀衆都知你啲嘢好 raw 嘅，唔係好 perfect 嘅。噉都係試下嘅啫。噉佢哋都好俾面你嘅，即係佢唔笑得嚟，都唔係嗰啲呢 “hea”，渣呀！”唔會噉樣嘅。但係最多係嗰啲呀，繼續飲、繼續飲、繼續飲。ok 唔好笑，繼續飲噉嘅啫。噉調轉我亦都試過俾人 “Boo” 呀， “噓” 呀噉樣啦。噉幾個原因嘅。嗱，我有一次呢做一個 private event 啦。係一個慈善機構43嘅 board of directors 嚟嘅。噉我去到嗰度表演嘅時候呢，我就開始講我啲笑話啦，“hello 大家好我係阿 V”乜乜噉樣。
(I have certainly had failures of my own. For instance, the simplest is that when you usually go to write jokes, you have something called an “open mic.” There you’ll take some really raw material and use it at the open mic to test it out. The advantage of that sort of situation is that the audience knows your material is pretty raw, it’s not perfect, you’re just trying it out. So they’ll give you some face, and even if they don’t laugh, they won’t heckle you. But most of them keep drinking, keep drinking, keep drinking, if it’s not funny they’ll just keep drinking. However, I have been booed and stuff by people, and there are multiple reasons. One time, I was doing a private event. It was for the board of directors for a charitable organization. When I went there to perform, I started to tell my jokes, ‘Hello everyone, I’m Vivek,” whatever.)
但係全程一啲觀衆都好似係，即係佢哋好拘謹44呀，即係佢坐喺度，“嗯，等我欣賞下佢先”。因爲佢哋慣咗睇親表演呢，都好尊重睇個表演者，佢哋唱歌呀跳舞都係好安靜45，“我要欣賞，”噉但係棟篤笑就唔係好安靜㗎嘛，要你嘅反應㗎嘛。 In a way 佢又好似慣咗，“我唔慣去 interrupt 你嘅喎，我唔想騷擾46到你嘅表演，我就唔出聲噉樣。”但係同時我覺得，大家係咪覺得我啲嘢唔好笑？點解個個都咁靜嘅，噉樣。仲要岌頭47添。即係“大家有冇搭過巴士呀？”佢哋嘅心係覺得“我唔知咩嘢叫巴士，我有司機” 噉樣。
(However, the whole time, it seemed like the audience was very reserved, as if they were just sitting there and thinking, “Hm, let me appreciate him first.” [The way one might “appreciate” classical music.] It’s because their habit when watching performances was to really respect the performers, when people would sing or dance they would be really quiet– “I need to appreciate it”--but stand-up comedy is not quiet, it needs you to provide a reaction. In a way, it was like their habit was, “I am not used to interrupting you, I don’t want to disturb your performance, I won’t make a sound.” But at the same time I’ll think, does everyone think my jokes aren’t funny. Why is everyone so quiet, like that. There was also some serious nodding of heads. Like, “Has everyone taken a bus before?” In their hearts they were thinking, “What is this ‘bus?’ I have a driver.”)
係我會發覺呢啲噉嘅情況，個失敗就係嚟自兩個原因。一，我同嗰個觀衆嘅距離好遠，即係佢哋嘅生活距離48呀，佢哋係啲好，喺 society 好高 level 嘅人呢，佢哋嘅世界同我嘅世界好唔同嘅。即係我講搭扶手電梯，佢會覺得“吓？你要搭扶手電梯？你唔係有直升機直接去嘅咩？”即係嗰啲噉嘅嘢喇。噉第二就係，佢哋係慣咗好拘謹呢，佢哋好 proper 嘅。即係例如我可能有時做棟篤笑呢，我會“欸，呢位點稱呼49呀？” 噉樣。佢會覺得“你唔係唔知我係邊個呀？你知唔知呢位係邊個邊個夫人呀？佢捐咗幾多錢呀喂？” “Ah, ok, this is weird.” 即係呢啲噉，佢會有好多 expectation 嘅。所以係，我嗰陣時係好失敗。我做乜都好呢，都好似講親乜都好似佢唔想笑得嚟，好似我係好低俗呀變咗。
(I realized there was this situation, that failure came from two reasons. First, the distance between me and my audience was too great, in terms of our lives, where they would be from high society, high-level people, their world was completely different from mine. Like I would bring up riding an escalator, and they would think, “Hmm? What is an escalator? Can’t you use a helicopter to go straight up?” That sort of stuff. Second, they are used to being very reserved, very proper. For instance, sometimes when I do stand-up, I ask, “Ah, so what should I call you?” They’ll think, “You don’t know who I am? Do you know whose wife this is? Or that she has donated a lot of money? “Ah, OK, this is weird.” Like that, they’ll have a lot of expectations. So yeah, I failed pretty badly then. No matter what I said, no matter what I said, it seemed like they wouldn’t laugh, like it became such that everything I said was in poor taste.)
好似呢啲佢覺得“呀你睇呢個傻仔同我傾計喎” 噉樣。噉呢個第一個經驗啦。但係就我發覺，好得意嘅就係，其實嗰場 show 呢，我就算我喺台上面都未必咁開心呢，我發覺啲觀眾都係好拘謹得嚟，我唔覺得佢好 enjoy 嘅。調轉我可能有時做嗰啲 show 喺啲社區中心噉呢，啲小朋友癲晒噉呀，拍晒手呀，拍地下呀噉樣啦，好開心呀。
(It was like they were thinking, “This idiot is actually talking with me.” So this was my first experience. But I realized, which was really interesting, was actually that at that show, I wasn’t necessarily that happy up on stage, as I realized the audience was really reserved, I didn’t think they really enjoyed it. On the flip side, maybe if I’m doing a show at a community center, the kids will go crazy, clapping a lot, clapping and rolling on the floor, they’re very happy.)
噉第二次又失敗呢，我好記得印象50最深刻51呢，就有一次係做一個又係 private event 啦。通常失敗都係 private event 嘅喇要求高呀嘛。噉呀就，噉我去到嗰度佢地話“六點鐘我哋個 party 開始”噉好啦，噉我去到嗰度係要做英文 show 嘅。二十分鐘英文棟篤笑噉樣啦。噉就好乖六點鐘準時到，佢話“欸？你咁早到嘅？”我話“吓？你叫我六點鍾個 party 開始喎。”佢話“唔係呀阿 V，個 party 六點鐘開始，但係你嘅表演係九點鐘㗎咋。”我話 “Oh, ok.”
(As for the second type of failure, the one I have the deepest impression of is one time when I was doing a private event. Usually my failures are at private events, as the expectations are higher. Well, when I went there they said, “The party starts at six, and I had to do an English show there, a twenty-minute English stand-up routine. So I was really good and got there right at six o’clock, and they said, “Huh? You’re so early?” And I said, “Huh? Didn’t you tell me that the party starts at six?” They said, “No, Vivek, the party starts at six, but your performance isn’t until nine o’clock.” So I said, “OK.”)
噉我嗰陣時都係啱啱新開始玩呢，唔識㗎嘛。噉我咪“好啦，噉我等啦。噉都嚟到不如坐喺度等啦。”噉呀全程喺度嗰一頭自己坐喺張凳等，睇住啲人玩。噉佢全晚呢，就啲人喺度不停飲酒嘅, 由六點飲到去九點咁滯52嘅。噉狂飲酒呀，喺個 party 噉呀好癲啦。噉九點鐘呢，就終於入嗰個 dinner 嗰個 hall 嗰度啦。跟住個 MC 呢好醉。佢已經好醉。跟住佢就噉樣 “All right… oh we… we got a funny guy!” 跟著佢擰一擰轉53，望一望住我啦。“Hey, are you funny?” 跟著遞支咪俾我。噉我攞支咪啦。噉我好尷尬54。“Ok，噉我走出去啦。”噉我一路表演呢，個個都食緊飯嘅，仲要食咩呢？佢仲要係鋸扒55呀，鋸扒，你明唔明呀？我點樣同一塊靚扒鬥呢？噉啲人已經飲咗三個鐘頭酒，噉佢就喺度鋸緊扒，我就喺度 “Hey everybody!” 噉樣講嘢，完全冇人理我。
(This was back when I had just started playing shows, I didn’t know. So I thought, “Alright, I’ll wait, since I came I might as well sit down.” So the whole time I was there sitting alone, watching everyone have fun. The whole night, they just kept on drinking nonstop, almost from six all the way to nine. They were drinking like mad, the party was crazy. Then at nine, they finally went into the dinner hall. The emcee was really drunk, he was already really gone. He was like, “All right…oh we… we got a funny guy!” Then he turned around and looked at me. “Hey, are you funny?” Then he gave the mic to me. I took the mic. I was really embarrassed. “OK, I’ll go out there.” The whole time I was performing, they were all eating, and what were they eating? Steak, they were cutting into steak, do you get it? How could I compete with a beautiful cut of meat? And some of these people had already been drinking booze for three hours and now they were cutting their steak, and I was there going, “Hey everybody!” like that, and no one was paying attention to me.)
個個都就噉坐住喺度，“呢塊扒好靚”，“呢塊扒好靚”。冇人知我存在56啦。好喇，噉我照講，因爲我都知我要 keep 住講。我好記得我睇住個錶呢，十七分鐘嘅時候，我個錶，我見到 “Ok 仲有三分鐘” 捱埋佢就得㗎啦。因爲你唔做足廿分鍾呢，佢有藉口唔 pay 你㗎嘛。噉我照講啦。噉我去到十七分鐘，我好記得呢，就係嗰陣時啲 speaker 突然間開始 “wing, wing” 聲呀。即係有嗰個 feedback 就 “wing～ wing～” 噉樣啦。噉我就知，其實嗰啲嘅意思係你行得太近個喇叭57，噉我自己喐嚟喐去呀，可唔可以避開呢哋噉嘅聲音啦。噉係一路行一路 “win”，唔知可能後邊有人校緊個 mixer 呢。有位觀衆終於有反應喇，有位女士自己企起身， ok，放低刀叉，冇武器58喺手上呢，佢就好大聲話 “Maybe that’s a sign to get off the stage!” 噉樣呢，噉我聽完我唔係 “Well, thanks for the advice!” 噉就繼續講因為我都話你二十分鐘要講足晒㗎嘛。好喇，我講完之後，ok，已經係好唔開心。
(They were all just sitting there, “This steak is so pretty,” “This steak is so pretty,” it was like no one knew I existed. Alright, I’ll just talk as usual, as I knew I just needed to keep talking. I clearly remember looking at my watching seventeen minutes and thinking, “Just three more minutes,” if I could just hold on that would be enough, because if I didn’t do twenty minutes, then they would have an excuse not to pay me. So I went on talking. But at seventeen minutes I remember the speakers suddenly had that screeching noise, some feedback, that wiiiiinng, wiiiiing. Then I knew it meant that I had gotten too close to the speakers, so I moved back and forth a little to see if I could avoid the sound. But the whole time, there was that wiiinnng, I didn’t know if someone behind me was testing out the mixer. Then one audience member finally had a reaction, a woman who was sitting stood up, okay, put down her knife and fork, so no weapons in hand, and then she yelled really loudly, “Maybe that’s a sign to get off the stage!” When I heard that I said, “Well, thanks for the advice!” And then I kept on talking to fill up twenty minutes. Well, after I finished talking, I was already very unhappy.)
跟住我話 “Thank you so much! Have a good night!” 跟住呢，我望咗望，有個 MC 唔喺度，唔知喺邊。噉我走唔到㗎嘛，噉我就就噉喺個地下放低支咪。自己行開咗。跟住就完咗喇。跟住就有啲人，跟住我最尷尬，呢個都未完嘅喎。呢個之後呢，我仲要攞埋喎。因爲嗰陣時呢好衰嘅，我嗰陣時要點樣做，即係你有個 50% 嘅 deposit 啦，跟住之後呢，你要攞個 balance，嗰 50% 係嗰晚做完表演先話“唔該，支票呀唔該”噉樣㗎嘛。噉我已經喺台上面幫咗廿分鐘俾人噓埋呀 “Booo, get off the stage!” 嗰啲咩嘢呢，我而家要去搵個搞手59， “err, can you pay me?” 跟住我就周圍望唔見個搞手啦。
(Then I said, “Thank you so much! Have a good night!” But when I looked around, the emcee wasn’t there, I didn’t have a clue. I couldn’t leave, so I just put the microphone down. Then I just left on my own, and it was over. Then there were some people, and I was embarrassed, but it wasn’t quite over. After that, I still needed to get paid, because back then it really sucked, back then the way I did was, there would be a 50% deposit, and then afterwards you would receive the balance, so that 50% would come after the performance that night, like, “Excuse me, check please!” like that. I had already been on stage for twenty minutes being booed by people, “Boo, get off the stage,” like that, and now I had to find the person in charge and go, “Errr, can you pay me?” So then I looked around but I couldn’t find who was in charge.)
噉咪好，問啲 guest 噉 “oh by the way do you know where John is?” 跟住個個都擰歪面60覺得“你呀？你同我講呀？你邊位？” 噉啦。噉我就最尾就係好唔開心自己走咗人嘅。噉只不過嗰一次嘅經歷，好印象深刻呢，因爲我係好記得就同，個搞手就好嬲呀，話啲 guest 唔開心呀。我話“嘩，大佬，你點樣同我… 你攞塊扒，我印度教，我哋唔食牛有原因嘅知唔知? 因為呢啲扒係會害死我哋㗎。”噉我就其實嗰日係一個好深刻嘅 failure 嘅經歷喇。噉但係好彩而家我經驗豐富啲呢，我就會識得調解61呢啲嘢呀。或者去到個場地話“喂，佢哋唔准食住嘢睇 show 呀。”呢啲噉嘅少少細位囉。
(Well, then I asked the guests, “Oh by the way, do you know where John is?” Then they just looked the other way, like “You? Are you talking to me? Who are you?” In the end I just left on my own rather unhappily. But that one experience left a big impression on me, because I remember the organizer was really angry, saying the guests were not happy. I said, “Well, why would you… You pull out a steak, I’m Indian, do you know there’s a reason we don’t eat beef? Because the steak will kill us.” That day was a really deep experience of failure. Thankfully I’ve had more experience now, I know how to mediate things. Or I’ll go to an event and say, “They’re not allowed to eat while watching the show,” these sorts of little things.)
Raymond: 嗯，同埋你呢啲失敗嘅經驗其實亦都變成你以後嘅笑話嘅一部份啦，係咪？噉我記得聽你講過一句名言62嘅，即係你講過，一個人嘅失敗或者啲悲劇63呢，同嗰個喜劇個關係呀。你可唔可以再講一講呀？
(Ah, and your stories of failure also later turn into part of your jokes, right? I remember hearing you say a famous quote, something you said, about when someone fails or there’s some tragedy, it’s relationship with comedy. Can you say it again?)
Vivek: 嗱，其實有個 formula 嘅。棟篤笑呢，有好多人都講過，就係一個 formula，就係 “comedy equals to tragedy plus time” 嘅。即係喜劇就等於悲劇加時間嘅。即係話咩呢？你今日嘅悲劇，你呢一刻呢就應該笑唔出嘅，但係你畀一段時間，你同佢有少少隔離64，你會發覺呢，你個心情冇咁唔開心嘅時候呢，你諗返會覺得幾傻、幾好笑喎。即係好似話，你以前讀緊小學嘅時候呀，俾老師罰呀噉樣啦。噉嗰陣時噉係唔開心㗎啦。但係調轉你可能十年、廿年之後，有個學生嘅聚會呢，一齊傾埋計，你覺得“記唔記得呢嗰日俾人罰呀？大家喺度罰企幾好笑呀。”
(Ah, so there’s a formula. In stand-up, many people have already said it before, a formula, that “Comedy is equal to tragedy plus time.” [He then repeats a literal translation of the formula in Cantonese.] So what is that really saying? If you have some sort of tragedy today, you at first won’t be able to laugh about it, but if given a little bit of time and distance from it, you’ll realize that when you’re not feeling so good, when you think back [to the previous tragedy] you’ll think it was pretty dumb, very silly. It’s like saying, back when you were in elementary school, the teacher would punish you. Back then you would not be happy, but come ten years later, twenty years later, at some sort of school reunion when you’re all talking together, you’ll think, “Remember that time when we were punished? It was funny how we were all made to stand in the corner.”)
你會覺得好搞笑嘅。其實嗰個正正就係我哋講 comedy 嗰樣嘢，就係你今日嘅悲劇，你肯調轉嚟睇就覺得“都係噉㗎啦。”你可以調轉嚟笑返呢，人哋覺得好好笑嘅成個故事。即係好似話，如果頭先講失敗嗰樣嘢，如果話我上台做表演呢，個個都“哈哈哈”噉樣笑，Yeah! 跟住最尾佢俾埋個 tips 我添。你會覺得，第一我冇興趣想聽你嘅成功。第二呢，完全唔好笑。所以係啱啱相反，就係你嗰個生活呢，有咩悲劇呢，你俾啲時間，有返啲距離，你就會搵到個喜劇嗰個原點65喺度㗎。所以嗰個就係個 basic formula of comedy 喇。
(You’ll think that it’s pretty funny. But that’s exactly a form of what we call comedy, when today’s tragedy, when you’re willing to change how you look at it, makes you think, “Ah, that’s all it is.” You can look back and laugh at it, and people think the whole story is pretty funny. It’s like, if we were talking about the failure I mentioned earlier, if I said I got up on stage and everyone was laughing, and then I even got some tips, you’d think, first, I have no interest in hearing about your success. And second, it’s not funny at all. So it’s the exact opposite, where in life, whatever tragedy there is, if you give it some time and distance, you’ll find the source of comedy. That’s the basic formula of comedy.)